After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
