You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
