The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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