Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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