My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
