well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
