I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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