If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
