When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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