I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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