i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
