Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
