OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize