who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
