I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
