$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
