Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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