just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
