I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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