why do cheetos always look like penises
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize