You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
