I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
