She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
