The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize