I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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