God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
