Its about making memories worth repressing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
