I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
