worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
