So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
