my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
