she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
