I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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