she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
