11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
