it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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