As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
