he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize