Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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