she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
