I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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