Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
