it's like iHOP with fire
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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