you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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