May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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