A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
not ubering you a puppy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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