It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
