weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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