you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
