You're so nebulous sometimes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
