Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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