I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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