i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
