Well apparently he's into motor boating.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
