he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
