mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
