Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
