I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
