But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
