he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
