I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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