If i come over, it means nothing
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
