So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
