her vagine was all disorganized.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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