Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
