Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
