Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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