he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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