I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
