so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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