I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
