Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
