dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
