so that wasnt chicken after all
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
