Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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