Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
