just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
