do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize