He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
