so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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