I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
