so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
